BIRDS

im always doing something bad and i gotta hide it. one of these days ill get caught :'(

the dude is still there and his fingers are touching my jacket

and i keep laughing to myself and loud enough for people to hear, but he just keeps getting closer

watching peoples mental states deteriorate

a baby near me farted. the opera music in the background went along perfectly to it

truth

i started the bunny death thing YEARS before Andy Riley did. im convinced he found my doodles somewhere and cashed in on my idea. but whatevr. i forgive him i guess.noone would have believed a 14 year old anyway.

also a dude just sat down right next to me which im pissed about. theres clearly enough space around me. he keeps glancing at my screen. can you read this dude? FUCK YOU. go sit somewhere else.

moustache

people dont update their blogs enough

souuuuuuuuuull!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"why dont we sit in a circle and talk about all the dicks we sucked?"- chick at my restaurant (she said it sarcastically though)

once the internet gets back to normal, i will cum back dear bloggy.

but for now im just gonna wait for the REAL stubbs to walk over. there will be stories soon...

THERE IS A MAN WHO LOOKS LIKE STUBBS HERE AND HES STARING AT ME!

But alas, it is not him. this man is clearly american and stubbs is not. oh wellz. better luck next time!

truth is ,everyone loves a romantic

just not a 24 hr, 7 days a week romantic..., .............................................................................................................................YA FEEL ME? .."so what do y'all think, I mean, what're we tryin' to do? Get me a record deal? Cause my label keeps on dropping me cause I keep on gettin' killed but it's like I'm gonna come back!... I'm gonna come back! "

and they come thinkin' it's gonna be all scary and shit, but in fact, that house is also fo' sale!

broken enggg


i no understand. i see weird. something weird. something is mystery.

i see small world getting smaller and arrows pointing closer and closer towards me. There are more opportunities but more obstacles in the way of them. if i plow through, i risk losing these opportunities.. for good. if i stay still, theyll pass me by.

i have one distinct vision in place, an almost impossible one and its bright as shit and it's becoming a problem because its blinding and so bright that i can't see anything else. so much room for failure, victory seems like asking for too much. there is no logic behind all of this, nothing makes sense, i'm making judgements simply off what i can see. this is going to become a very very big problem for me if i lose

it is fashionable to hang out near geysers

hanging out near geysers is like natures way of hanging out at a bad neighborhood in the city. riskayyyy. lets go get drunk at the geyser! throw our brewskis while the thing is goin wild!

i just hit the internet lottery today !

and it sucked. it was not what i expected. i did not get the answers i thought id find, but i did in fact get some personal information that i didnt really want to know. kinda like when youre looking for some money in your room but you find an old video game instead. except THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE. more like youre looking for a lost unpaid open container ticket in your room but instead you find an even more expensive, lost, unpaid medical bill.

but this is weirder cuz its a coincidence AND A SHITTY ONE. the world is so disgustingly small

Blank sheets of paper

got a lot of worries, mainly health matters and now financially fucked for a lonngggg time. but i still have it in me to write this


i dont know whether im going to write or draw when the time comes, or maybe dance (but definetly act, ohhhhhhhh defffffinetly), but it might be just one or 2 or maybe all 3 and 4. The stakes are very high and it this point it all has to do with the performance. Is the lighting okay? Is the volume too high or maybe too low? There will be no lying or any of that but the truth will be embellished, it has to, otherwise it will be boring and unglamourus.

but this isnt a play or a painting or a story (i guess in an abstract way it can be all of these though). its 'performance art'. but it wont be seen anywhere in particular, there will not be a set time or date because its been ongoing. you're all in the play and have no idea. im sure im in some plays too but i know this. but unlike most people, i have some of my lines memorized, and i believe them. people say actors are phonies. but everyone is an actor, the difference is that phonies are bad actors who dont have their lines memorized and dont believe theyre own words. And if they cant believe themselves, can we believe them? There is a difference between acting and straight up deception.



"...the roles into which we have been cast for the moment in this greatest drama of all, the comic-tragedy of life itself in which we are simultaneously both co-authors and actors. As a good actor gives his best to his part, we too should play ours as close to perfection as possible"

been embracing pop culture way too much lately

but i cant help it. the glitz is just too trashy to ignore

russian people behind me are fighting over whether or not their dishwasher is broken

i know you people are russian. i know that you both are. so why are you fighting in english? oh right, for fame. my last blogpost was about fame! i am currently reading a book about fame called Invisible monsters. i am also in the middle of reading deadeye dick. when im done with that im reading Typhus by jean paul sartre. and maybe with all that inspiration, ill write more and achieve fame. get it?

the best subculture of all subcultures

the voodoo punk cowboy.

jeffrey lee pierce had the right idea. he was also a hell of a songwriter (im talkin UP there with stubbs and bowie).

he wrote a book called "Go tell the mountain" which is actually similar to my blog. you can see him descending into madness as the book goes on, and at one point, it literally makes absolutely NO sense.

and then he dies. he died right in the middle of writing it. they released it anyway. it was limited edition. it was a success. i read it at age 16. and look at me now! thanks jeff! for all you Gun club lovers, i highly recommend "ghost on the highway'. even lemmy's in it for a hot second. sweet shit.

your voice is made up of serious 'what the fucks!" !

omgggggggggg. its seriously like sitting on a beach chilling, and everything is serene and almost normal and then out of NOWHERE some weird purple creature thing comes crawling up from the waves and starts dancing toward you in a creepy seductive way,moving all clumsy yet its so right and wrong and you just sit there watching this purple guy dancing in front of you, and all the sand getting attached to his gooey purple feet and his odd jelloey-seizure like moves. yet hes somehow one with nature in an outer-space kinda way and it fits the scene. theres something very animal like in his movements. very primal and very alien. should we send him back to space? i think not

in fact, its like a mix of prometheus and bob !

a proposal

we would like to do satanic dances around a fire and lift our arms up to the sky and bring them back down; we would like to bother/frighten and attract you so you could feel what we feel and see what we see. we hope our passion will fascinate you and that you stare and stay with us. i am sure that our world is nothing like the world youve experienced. i know that when we catch you, we won't let go and you probably will never want to leave anyway. we will have you but you will have us and we will all have each other.


"i never said i was perfect
but i can take you away" - shirley manson

yeah thats about right!

'Cause every time I hear that melody, well, something breaks inside

it must be because of dog days. its this time of year. i just passed by the churchyard and stuy park and remembered. i won't bring this up again; i just dont understand why im more bothered than ever.

Things are not the same/He is more important than ever before

i dont talk about this often. its only around the time of year. its been 4 years, and i think i should (have), visit. aside from that, i had written about him in my very first blog and once i deleted the blog (for other reasons), i regreted it simply because of the entry i had written about him. it was perfect and there is no way to recreate it again.

but im bringing it up now because we realized something last night that is very true. i may not have been as close to him as most people were but he was extremely important and to this day still is even if its not spoken about all the time. he literally tied everyone together. we would have all been a lot closer if he were still alive and i bet you half the drama between friends would not be here if he were.



i wish wish wish i had never deleted that entry. everything that im typing right now is not doing any justice. im sorry. all i can say is that 4 years ago on august 1st, i really truly believed that the universe collapsed and made the biggest mistake. it never made sense to me, and sure i was sad and sure other people were waaaaaaaayyy more upset than i was. but for some reason, the fact that it didnt make sense was more overpowering than the sadness. i seriously just didnt get it. i take great pride in the fact that im really good at expressing myself and making feelings almost tangible (evocative as someone once put it).

Yet im still trying to find the words for this feeling that i had 4 years ago which i had never had before and never had since. the closest word i can use to describe it is disillusionment. he wasnt supposed to go, i knew it, it must have been a horrible horrible accident in the cosmos. to me, it was like we entered another dimension. it was like if you woke up one day and went outside and there was no oxygen. thats impossible! that cant happen! that is exactly what i felt. it used to make me dizzy thinking about it.

i dont know. if i visit ill have to face th e cold hard truth when i set my eyes on his... i cant even say it. but maybe i need to see the words and the date written out to understand that maybe its not supposed to make sense. its just something that happened and something that we have to accept, sadly.