BIRDS

im always doing something bad and i gotta hide it. one of these days ill get caught :'(

the dude is still there and his fingers are touching my jacket

and i keep laughing to myself and loud enough for people to hear, but he just keeps getting closer

watching peoples mental states deteriorate

a baby near me farted. the opera music in the background went along perfectly to it

truth

i started the bunny death thing YEARS before Andy Riley did. im convinced he found my doodles somewhere and cashed in on my idea. but whatevr. i forgive him i guess.noone would have believed a 14 year old anyway.

also a dude just sat down right next to me which im pissed about. theres clearly enough space around me. he keeps glancing at my screen. can you read this dude? FUCK YOU. go sit somewhere else.

moustache

people dont update their blogs enough

souuuuuuuuuull!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"why dont we sit in a circle and talk about all the dicks we sucked?"- chick at my restaurant (she said it sarcastically though)

once the internet gets back to normal, i will cum back dear bloggy.

but for now im just gonna wait for the REAL stubbs to walk over. there will be stories soon...

THERE IS A MAN WHO LOOKS LIKE STUBBS HERE AND HES STARING AT ME!

But alas, it is not him. this man is clearly american and stubbs is not. oh wellz. better luck next time!

truth is ,everyone loves a romantic

just not a 24 hr, 7 days a week romantic..., .............................................................................................................................YA FEEL ME? .."so what do y'all think, I mean, what're we tryin' to do? Get me a record deal? Cause my label keeps on dropping me cause I keep on gettin' killed but it's like I'm gonna come back!... I'm gonna come back! "

and they come thinkin' it's gonna be all scary and shit, but in fact, that house is also fo' sale!

broken enggg


i no understand. i see weird. something weird. something is mystery.

i see small world getting smaller and arrows pointing closer and closer towards me. There are more opportunities but more obstacles in the way of them. if i plow through, i risk losing these opportunities.. for good. if i stay still, theyll pass me by.

i have one distinct vision in place, an almost impossible one and its bright as shit and it's becoming a problem because its blinding and so bright that i can't see anything else. so much room for failure, victory seems like asking for too much. there is no logic behind all of this, nothing makes sense, i'm making judgements simply off what i can see. this is going to become a very very big problem for me if i lose

it is fashionable to hang out near geysers

hanging out near geysers is like natures way of hanging out at a bad neighborhood in the city. riskayyyy. lets go get drunk at the geyser! throw our brewskis while the thing is goin wild!

i just hit the internet lottery today !

and it sucked. it was not what i expected. i did not get the answers i thought id find, but i did in fact get some personal information that i didnt really want to know. kinda like when youre looking for some money in your room but you find an old video game instead. except THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE. more like youre looking for a lost unpaid open container ticket in your room but instead you find an even more expensive, lost, unpaid medical bill.

but this is weirder cuz its a coincidence AND A SHITTY ONE. the world is so disgustingly small

Blank sheets of paper

got a lot of worries, mainly health matters and now financially fucked for a lonngggg time. but i still have it in me to write this


i dont know whether im going to write or draw when the time comes, or maybe dance (but definetly act, ohhhhhhhh defffffinetly), but it might be just one or 2 or maybe all 3 and 4. The stakes are very high and it this point it all has to do with the performance. Is the lighting okay? Is the volume too high or maybe too low? There will be no lying or any of that but the truth will be embellished, it has to, otherwise it will be boring and unglamourus.

but this isnt a play or a painting or a story (i guess in an abstract way it can be all of these though). its 'performance art'. but it wont be seen anywhere in particular, there will not be a set time or date because its been ongoing. you're all in the play and have no idea. im sure im in some plays too but i know this. but unlike most people, i have some of my lines memorized, and i believe them. people say actors are phonies. but everyone is an actor, the difference is that phonies are bad actors who dont have their lines memorized and dont believe theyre own words. And if they cant believe themselves, can we believe them? There is a difference between acting and straight up deception.



"...the roles into which we have been cast for the moment in this greatest drama of all, the comic-tragedy of life itself in which we are simultaneously both co-authors and actors. As a good actor gives his best to his part, we too should play ours as close to perfection as possible"

been embracing pop culture way too much lately

but i cant help it. the glitz is just too trashy to ignore

russian people behind me are fighting over whether or not their dishwasher is broken

i know you people are russian. i know that you both are. so why are you fighting in english? oh right, for fame. my last blogpost was about fame! i am currently reading a book about fame called Invisible monsters. i am also in the middle of reading deadeye dick. when im done with that im reading Typhus by jean paul sartre. and maybe with all that inspiration, ill write more and achieve fame. get it?

the best subculture of all subcultures

the voodoo punk cowboy.

jeffrey lee pierce had the right idea. he was also a hell of a songwriter (im talkin UP there with stubbs and bowie).

he wrote a book called "Go tell the mountain" which is actually similar to my blog. you can see him descending into madness as the book goes on, and at one point, it literally makes absolutely NO sense.

and then he dies. he died right in the middle of writing it. they released it anyway. it was limited edition. it was a success. i read it at age 16. and look at me now! thanks jeff! for all you Gun club lovers, i highly recommend "ghost on the highway'. even lemmy's in it for a hot second. sweet shit.

your voice is made up of serious 'what the fucks!" !

omgggggggggg. its seriously like sitting on a beach chilling, and everything is serene and almost normal and then out of NOWHERE some weird purple creature thing comes crawling up from the waves and starts dancing toward you in a creepy seductive way,moving all clumsy yet its so right and wrong and you just sit there watching this purple guy dancing in front of you, and all the sand getting attached to his gooey purple feet and his odd jelloey-seizure like moves. yet hes somehow one with nature in an outer-space kinda way and it fits the scene. theres something very animal like in his movements. very primal and very alien. should we send him back to space? i think not

in fact, its like a mix of prometheus and bob !

a proposal

we would like to do satanic dances around a fire and lift our arms up to the sky and bring them back down; we would like to bother/frighten and attract you so you could feel what we feel and see what we see. we hope our passion will fascinate you and that you stare and stay with us. i am sure that our world is nothing like the world youve experienced. i know that when we catch you, we won't let go and you probably will never want to leave anyway. we will have you but you will have us and we will all have each other.


"i never said i was perfect
but i can take you away" - shirley manson

yeah thats about right!

'Cause every time I hear that melody, well, something breaks inside

it must be because of dog days. its this time of year. i just passed by the churchyard and stuy park and remembered. i won't bring this up again; i just dont understand why im more bothered than ever.

Things are not the same/He is more important than ever before

i dont talk about this often. its only around the time of year. its been 4 years, and i think i should (have), visit. aside from that, i had written about him in my very first blog and once i deleted the blog (for other reasons), i regreted it simply because of the entry i had written about him. it was perfect and there is no way to recreate it again.

but im bringing it up now because we realized something last night that is very true. i may not have been as close to him as most people were but he was extremely important and to this day still is even if its not spoken about all the time. he literally tied everyone together. we would have all been a lot closer if he were still alive and i bet you half the drama between friends would not be here if he were.



i wish wish wish i had never deleted that entry. everything that im typing right now is not doing any justice. im sorry. all i can say is that 4 years ago on august 1st, i really truly believed that the universe collapsed and made the biggest mistake. it never made sense to me, and sure i was sad and sure other people were waaaaaaaayyy more upset than i was. but for some reason, the fact that it didnt make sense was more overpowering than the sadness. i seriously just didnt get it. i take great pride in the fact that im really good at expressing myself and making feelings almost tangible (evocative as someone once put it).

Yet im still trying to find the words for this feeling that i had 4 years ago which i had never had before and never had since. the closest word i can use to describe it is disillusionment. he wasnt supposed to go, i knew it, it must have been a horrible horrible accident in the cosmos. to me, it was like we entered another dimension. it was like if you woke up one day and went outside and there was no oxygen. thats impossible! that cant happen! that is exactly what i felt. it used to make me dizzy thinking about it.

i dont know. if i visit ill have to face th e cold hard truth when i set my eyes on his... i cant even say it. but maybe i need to see the words and the date written out to understand that maybe its not supposed to make sense. its just something that happened and something that we have to accept, sadly.

what ive always said over and over and over.....

Lyrics Leatherface lyrics - Scheme Of Things lyrics

THE FALL OF RENFIELD, RETURN OF WATTIE

RENFIELD has officially been kicked off the vase polishing team after attacking leslie and giving Spazz an attitude. WATTIE returns from his home planet after being away for a month and is full of clever quotes and interesting stories. That isn't to say that SPAZZ has no interesting stories to tell... on the contrary...


Wattie: SPAZZ! my! how have you been??

Spazz: oh wattie..

Wattie: oh dear... what has gone on?

Spazz quickly explains what happened with Renfield. But leaves out one important story...


Wattie: WOW! he was a lunatic after all!

Spazz: thats not the whole story, watt.

Wattie: ... what do you mean?

Spazz: Renfield wanted a threesome.

Wattie: WHAT??

Spazz: ..With Richard. And Richard's boyfriend.

Wattie: no! impossible! but wait... really?

Spazz: Yes.

Wattie:... well? how did that go? dont leave me hanging, dear.

Spazz: Richard had been telling a story. His boyfriend came up. He was mentioned. Renfield's eyes widened. he said 'a - a -a boyfriend?' a BOY..friend?'. Richard didn't understand why he was so shocked... 'why yes... my boyfriend', he said. .....

Wattie:.. AND??

Spazz: and Renfield said "do you have threesomes?"

Wattie: (hahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahaaaa)

Spazz: and Richard said, "UM NO",to which Renfield replied"Oh, well its just well, uh, i just mentioned it because um, i just know a lot of guys.."

Wattie: That doesnt offer any explanation to anything.

Spazz: i know

wattie: so our dear Renfield..

Spazz: wants SEX. from men.

Wattie: Well, i'll be.

Spazz: he had been waxing his eyebrows for you

Wattie: NO

Spazz: yes. and all this time, he couldnt do any hard labor. oh how it hurt his hands to carry those vases, and Oh, how it hurt to polish them... but he was willing to do something else

Wattie: STOP IT

Spazz: .. With his hands...

Wattie: DAMMIT SPAZZ

Spazz; And mouth... he asked you wattie, he asked you if..

Wattie: I CANT TAKE THIS



end.... 4now ;

BLEED AMERICAN

what are my plans for the day?/what have i been doing?


12pm, wake up, have breakfast, open the new box of cereal. retrieve toy, then pull milk out of fridge (bleed), and mix cereal with milk for the typical american cereal breakfast.

get ready for work (bleed a bit), find a totally black outfit that is not dirty (more drippy blood).

walk to station and bleed along the way. ride the train and listen to music, (bleed without noticing).

stand around for a few hours and bleed. take orders and bleeding lessens. all is calm, customers begin to leave. more blood passes. goes home and takes train. brush teeth, check facebook. wake up the next morning to moreblood

Betraying everything i stand for..................... ... for one night anyway

spending this FRIDAY night by myself re-dying my hair, reading stupid magazines, eating candy and watching movies LIKE A LITTLE BITCH... but its ok since theyre sexploitation movies :D :D :D

PUNX

i really dont know it any other way. even if i tried. even if some became creepers.. id have to say 'oh hey! theres my creeper cousin donny! hes old and went crazy and hits on girls badly.. but hes family'. thats exactly how it goes.

my very first alter ego

spazz is one. but i totally forgot about Teflon! He was originally a southern black singer from the 50s that Ana and i created. we wrote one song in the summer heat during gym class in high school 6 years ago about Teflon, as Teflon. I played Teflon and Ana played the back up southern black girl singers. i think the song was literally just about Teflon and the hot sun and how hard his life is. He has a raspy voice and of course, was singin the blues. Also if i remember correctly, i nearly threw my voice out after singing as teflon just once. so i stopped for a while and time passed and we forgot about him until not too long ago. strangely enough years later I got into FOETUS and discovered a song with almost the same tune as the Teflon song. it was called "gums bleed". what was even funnier was that j.g thirlwell also had many alter egos too. we r 2 of a kind

i would gladly give away secrets about my private life

to complete strangers, acquaintances and friends, all for the sake of entertainment. this is one of the many reasons why i have a blog

the planets are up to something nasty

a nasty pus filled eclipse is doing some sadistic shit to the moon and giving it conjuctivitis.

oh i can feel it. everyone around has been crying and so have i.wahhh wahh wahh. rah rah replica.

I AM KING SHIT OF FUCK MOUNTAIN

im thinking of starting another project, a less creative one unlike my sketchbook of craziness, yet still a project that is necessary im starting to realize. its actually just a compilation. im not sure how exactly im going to go about it but i'm going to try to make it happen. im basically taking lyrics from a very special group ;) and printing em out and just keeping it as a book for myself for inspiration rather than going online and constantly looking it up. i had always said that they should have written books but if they cant do it themselves, then i guess ill have to do it for them and for myself. my own personal bible, ya dig?

ugh

i feel really sad sometimes

"renfield cries and wants support" a monoBlogue

this is all very real. names have been switched and the situation disguised. but still very real


MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

.

.


MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYY.

.

.

(starts off talking hard and fast)
The bad people at the vase polishing agency yelled at me! they said i dont do my job right! they say im incompetent and lazy! and-nd -nd picky choosy! oh how i hate that leslie! and that spazz!
spazz wont even support me! what a bitch! i dont wanna work with them EVER AGAIN.

........ ...............so what if i dont know how to polish a vase! im new here! im the new guy! everyone is supposed to bend over backwards and support me. (slows down, eyes almost go in to a trance.. and he says the next line very softly): support. such an important word... one i use often in my vocabulary... my mental vocabulary...

(begins talkiing fast and aggressively again) i dont want to do the things i need to do. the smell of the vase polish makes me nauseous so i try to polish as little as i can. doesnt spazz see this? doesnt she understand? she seems to like it! shes always doing it! polishing so many vases til they are blinding and slippery. she must enjoy this line of work i believe, why else would she do it? for money? no. i dont think so. she loves the drudgery. so how dare she expect me to polish the bigger vases! I SAID NO to that spazz! right to her stupid fucking mexican-ass face. and the other one! LESLIE. SHE STARTED IT ALL! SHE WAS TOO HONEST. SHE SAID NOONE LIKED ME! SHE SAID IF I DIDNT START HELPING MORE SHE WOULD TELL THE BOSS. THE BIG GUY. HOW DARE SHE FUCKING THREATEN ME WITH HUGO! ILL TELL HUGO TO FIRE HER! FIRE EM ALL! SET EM ALL IN FUCKING FLAMES!

the past 24 hrs have consisted of

-witnessing my friend descend into madness. got a very frightening and disturbing text message. tried to contact them back and havent heard from them since yesterday. scary.

-witnessing a huge fight between my co workers as lightening struck across the street, no joke.

-me eventually getting involved in the fight

-us pretty much telling him we dont like him and that my other co worker is gonna get him fired.

-chaos continues to ensue

-getting a margarita after work.

-more drinking at my friends bar.

-shwasted. and talking about life and running away.

-this morning; epic hangover and picking cat hairs off my entire body. my pants looked like they were made of kitty.

-argumentative conversations.

-solution.

-calling it quits.

-Headache.

if you truly believe in something

you can completely tear it apart, destroy it and defend it all over again.

i was looking into peoples eyes last night and they all told me a story

theres this one boy who i have known longer than anyone. we aren't close at all, we say hi and thats about all. acquaintances. but hes got a stubbsy kind of personality, not in wisdom persay, but passion and dedication and genuinity. something i haven't seen in many people and i gotta say... its almost moving. hence why im writing this.

he is not the most positive person. and he doesn't like anyone. he doesn't even seem to like his friends much (even though he actually does, he just always has this look of apathy/dissatisfaction, much like my face).

but he is in love like ive never seen. like something out of a movie. he is not the cheesy knight in shining armor and he doesnt have too much warmth. but the love that he has for his girl... you can feel it even when shes not there. its fucking unbelieveable. ive never seen someone so devoted to someone (at the tender age of 23), and so sure of himself. he has this sure look in his eyes when she comes up, like 'thats the girl im gonna marry'. he doesnt smile really or say it word for word but you just know it.

his sincerity to this girl is literally timeless. it will be there the next day and the day after and the day aftter and the day after...etc.... This doesn't mean everyone should be this way at all. some people just dont have it in them. it doesnt make them flawed in anyway. i guess this kid's genuinity is just extra. it makes me so happy to know that something like this is possible and that its not just a fantasy and that some things do last a long time. and that there are people out there unmoved by obstacles or whatever bullshit is around them and are still able to love someone to pieces.

<3 <3 <3

there is something from your past that hasnt left you and i can see it in your eyes

when you speak of a certain something. the funny thing is that its a good mask, its very good in fact but i know deep down that its not true. maybe you ve convinced yourself? but not me and not the rest either. everyone knows.


i think what im seeing is your image tremble. i can see you flickring.. hardcore. like a tv about to hit the bucket. thats you. youre going to tire yourself out from pretending that youre done with your past. you arent. this is what makes you vulnerable and it makes me feel like im humoring you by pretending like i dont notice.

one day you will probably collapse either on your own or maybe by a slip up. and i hope im not around when it happens because this job is too big for me. i don't know if i can tell you that its going to be okay when deep down im not sure. and thats when my image will tremble but i doubt youll notice or at least you'll try not to.

me no trusty

fake smile and random throw-at-me invites? embellished description of a suspicious mini vacation. its been done before hasnt it? take me away will you? lock me up would you? do things i probably would not like have you? it was good of you to try though. it all sounds so nice, something someone with a smaller brain would fall for. it was a pleasant description and i do need a vacation. but who are you?

OOPS! what an odd way to begin a blog

renfield: oh spazz, i smashed one of the expensive vases again!

spazz: good god.

renfield: yes and on Mr.s pennywether's foot!

spazz: she won't come back.

renfield: but i can make it up to her.. i can make it up to her spazz! i can offer her some ice cream... and maybe she'll offer me a job! or a home! ill ask her if she needs some companionship... or a loyal dog.. me!

spazz: renfield no! dont make things so awkward!

renfield: i dont get what you mean spazz

spazz: Renfield, our job here is to polish expensive vases for the wealthy. NOT get involved in their personal lives unless they ask us to

renfield:but i can ASK her to ask US to...if she'd like! ....... oh spazz, .. i mean, Master Spazz, maybe i borrow 200 pounds?

spazz: 200 POUNDS? FOR WHAT??

renfield: to buy a new expensive vase but for myself. i want one similar to the vase i broke tonight. i want one just as elegant. oh and spazzz, can you help me sweep up these shards? i know you have things to do, its just well, the hinges on my wrists havent been oiled in so long and i make quite a squeak whenever i need to do wrist-twisting.. in fact when youre done, you can oil them for me too!

spazz: hinges?? you have hinges????

renfield: well of course, you didnt really believe i was 100% human did you?

spazz: i guess i was mistaken